Survivalhelp guide
by annea101
Summary: Welcome to the survival/help guide for being or getting over being abducted or held captive while being apart of the stargate program.
1. Chapter 1

A/N I was reading TechnoScribe's fan fiction Breaking Walls and something he/she wrote gave me this idea and i decided to give it a shot. Don't know where I am going with this though but meh who cares really.

Disclaimer: i would love to own Stargate Atlantis and a great deal of other shows all the things i could do to the characters but i don't and unless i somehow develop magical powers (or gain a few billion dollar's) that give me ownership of Stargate Atlantis and the other shows i most likely never will. So please i am begging you do not sue me for i do not claim nor do i actually have ownership of Stargate Atlantis. Now on to the first chapter.

A survival/help guide for when you are kidnapped or simply held hostage by aliens or human alien operatives while being apart of the Stargate program.

Hello if you're reading this book then either you have just been rescued or kidnapped or are reading this for fun.

If its the first two then it is most likely because of one of the following

Possibility number 1) You are one of the following people

1\. Daniel Jackson

2\. Samantha Carter

3\. Rodney McKay

4\. Carson Beckket

5\. Teyla Emmagen

6\. John Sheppard

7\. Jack O'Neil

If you are one of the aforementioned people then chances are the reasons are most likely as followed

A) If you are either 1, 2, 3, or 4 then it's most likely because you are just too damned smart or too good at what you do for your own good or in some cases it is because you've ascended or almost ascended.

B) If you are 5 your negotiation tactics failed or it is because you can sense wraith

C) If you are either 6 or 7 you just have that bad of luck.

D) If you are anyone of those people then it is possible you where in the wrong place at the wrong time. though admittingly that could happen to anyone.

Possibility number 2) You where with either SG-1 or SGA-1 and like thing so often do everything just went to hell in a hand basket.

Possibility number 3) You have something they want. Be it technology, information or some unique ability.

Possibility number 4) As has been mentioned you where in the wrong place at the wrong time and your abduction was accidental.

Possibility number 5) Or you where at either Atlantis, on the Daedalus or at Stargate command back on earth and it has been taken over by hostile invaders.

Incidentally all of these seem to happen quite often so you might want to get used to it. Next chapter how to (hopefully) survive with one's life and limbs.

A/N Well there you go I've got chapter one finished. Constructive criticism is appreciated,Ra know's I need it, while flames shall be used to keep the wraith away R&amp;R


	2. Survival tips

A/N I am going to try for at least 1,000 words this chap that being said i apologize if i don't make it. Also what do you think of the idea of an Intelligence and Stargate Atlantis crossover?

Disclaimer: Nope still don't have magical powers and I am still as broke as I was yesterday. So I am going to go ahead and say I do not own Stargate Atlantis...wish I did though.

Now of course the Stargate program and the people in it have made alot of enamies but here are a list of the most likely culprits.

For the Stargate program on earth here are as followed:

Of course at the top of the list we have the Gau'ld chances, on top of what has been mentioned, either it's to use you as a host and inflitrate Stargate command or they want info.

The Ori and the Prior's of the Ori. Addiotional reasons are information and attempt to convert you to their religion

For Stargate Atlants are as followed:

The Wraith. Other then what was mentioned last chapter they want to feed on you. Oh and information on Atlantis.

The Genii. Additional reasons are technology and information.

Well now that you are aware of the possible reasons for your recent abduction and the possible culprits here are some helpful...ah tips for your, hopefully, survival.

To start with it is in fact not a good idea to antagonize your captors or captor. Now I know that John, Jack, and Rodney all have the tendency to do such. However unless one of those three names are your name (and even those three really shouldn't) please do not attempt,under any circumstance, to annoy your said captors. We are still cleaning up from the mess the last people who ignored this warning made. So just don't it won't work out for you very well.

Next (and this one is for escape attempts people) I am, of course, not going to tell you to not try to escape your current imprisonment. That would just be stupid and unreasonable two things I like to think I am not ( though Rodney may say other wise). But for the love of all things good and holy, and your continued survival, do not just straight out improvise. Unless you are apart of SG-1 or SGA-1 it will not work out very well for you. I guarantee it.

Ooo lookey there's a third point. In case of interrogation we all know that there is information that should not be given to the enemy even under duress of death. I.e. your IDC for the Stargate or the security codes and a few other things. However there are pieces of info that don't matter if you give away. Your name for one and yes I know that sounds redundant I thought that to until Carson decided to be an idiot and was willing to die for it. (see In Harm's Way by Jersey13 which by the way is awesome). Just felt that should be mentioned. Another would be...huh well i thnk you can figure it out.

You are not immortal so don't act like it please. I.e. do not do things that are determinable to your health unless it is unavoidable. Your job is to survive without giving away sensitive information until you are rescued. Some of you would do well to remember this coughSG-1andSGA-1cough...also as far as i am aware of only one person has come back from the dead multiple times but he better not try for another because sooner or later your luck is gonna run out Daniel and I do not want to be the one to tell general O'Neil that one of his favourite scientest is dead.

It's, most likely, a good idea to when first discovering your unfortunate imprisonment to pretend to be asleep to try to a certain where you are. That and it saves you from pain for a bit longer and gives us more time to rescue your sorry ass. Also your captors guards shall be lower if they believe you to be asleep after all who expects an attack from an unconscious person. Anyone? No really I am serious is there anyone out there who expects a attack from an unconscious person? No? Good. Though admittedly pretending to be asleep to forestall pain won't really work on the Wraith.

Stall. For as long as you can. The more time the better really. Again just don't antagonize the people who hold your well being in their hands. Depending on who it is and what they want gives you more leeway on how long it is safe to stall and how long it will work.

Both the Gau'ld and the Wraith have a major weakness that being that they will underestimate you. Use that to your advantage.

Never under any circumstance say "Well it could be worse" or "At least this isn't so bad" or in contradiction to the first one "It can't get any worse then this" because it can and will. It seems the Stargate program is run on Murphy law and irony so to say anything along those lines is to invite certain doom upon yourself. Especially if your captors over hear you. They will then do every thing in their power to make that prediction come true. So it is really really not recommended unless you have a death wish. In that case go right ahead and after (assuming you survive) we'll set up a nice appointment with our friendly psychologist Kate Heightmeyer, okay?

Well now you know tried and true survival methods. Though of course it's not guaranteed. Really the best survival method is not getting caught in the first place. Alas that is not always possible though some people have worst luck the other's. (coughpretty much all of SG-1 and SGA-1cough). Next chapter how to deal with the after math your imprisonment. Both mentally and physically. Also how to deal with concerned and possible over protective teammates.

A/N ha I did it 1,000 words baby. Longest thing i've ever wrote in one chapter. Quick question how are you all finding this to read? and should I try to make this seem more like a character or character's are doing this? and if so who? granted id have to make slight changes to every thing but meh. please R&amp;R


	3. Chapter 2

A/N hey guys im back~ sorry for the wait tablet crashed and i only just got on something with a keyboard...also got kind of destracted by the 7D im writing something for that too...anyways on with the story R&amp;R.

Disclaimer: i do not own stargate or stargate atlanitis in the slightest if i did id be rich. im still very much not so.

Chapter 2

Hey if your reading this chapter ethier A) your bored with nothing better to do or B) congratulations you were rescued yay! This chapter is to help tyou come to terms with you previous captive status.

The first thing your gonna want to do is make friends with the local on base psychologists. For you Atlantien`s its Dr. Heightnmeyer for you people on earth it's Dr. Jones...

No I'm not kidding seriously it`ll make both your lives easier. For them it`ll allow them to not have to chase you done for your session...And dont think they won`t do it eitheir they will...It's a requirment for you to attend...Something about lowering the insanity ratio on base. It`ll make your lives easier because at least your not spilling your guts to a total stranger.

Sides i think they become sad when no one wants to talk with them...They won't analyze your every word, really.

Dr. Mckay would like to me to you that the kidnapped scientest support group meets on fridays at 8:00pm.

Colonel Sheppered would also like me to say that the kidnapped military personal support group meets on mondays at noon.

Dr. Jackson wants me to add that the earth version of the kidnapped scientest support group meets on saturdays at 5:00pm

While Colonel Carter wants to to mention that the earth version of the kidnapped military personal support group happens of wedsnday at 3:00pm

All of them want me to tell you that attendance is manditory unless off base on a mission or in medbay and that they will know if your lying and will hunt you down and drag you to them if you are.

You should also be prepared to deal with overprotective teammates for a while depending on how close you are. Yes it is annoying just deal with it, kay?

You can go to any of your Heads of command if you want to talk. Trust me they've been there too. Yes even kavanagh.

Mediatation can also be a good help. It allows you to think more clearly on what happened.

Tea is another good thing if you don't want to take medication. Teyla has some amazing tea by the way.

Dr. Beckett with a recommendation from Dr. Heightnmeyer will provide a prescription for anti-anxiety medication, another reason to go see her.

Dr. Ross will do the same with a recommendation from Dr. Jones.

Overprotective teammates as has been mentioned are annoying to deal with but are also reassuring because if they are feeling overprotective then that means they care a good deal about your well being and are more likely to attempt to rescue you. Though John and Neil will do that anyways.

Hopefully you still have all your limbs intact though you may not. I know this is going to irratate some of you but it still needs to be said it gets better. No really it does I've talked to people who have to deal with it they say the samething. Carson and Mike have some awesome painkillers to help with that

Even if your missing a limb or something you can still help a great deal on base. Trust me.

For those of you who ignored the advice i gave last chapter about murphys law and irony running the stargate program theres always open space in Dr. Heighnmeyes and Dr. Jones schedule for you. it'll be easier on everyone if you go sooner rather then later. We'll find out about your death wish eventually.

You need to remeber to take it easy until your told otherwise. That mean lying in bed. Not training, cough John, Neil, Roran cough. Or experiments or yelling at people, cough Rodney, Zelenka cough. Just stay in bed really it's not that hard to do and it throws Carson and Mike into a tizzy when you don't and it's not as fun as it sounds to deal with really it's not.

Next chapter final chapter

A/N Thats it for this chapter. stay tuned for the next one witch hopefull wont take all year. yeah i know kinda short aint it. R&amp;R flames will be used for the glooms to take over jollywood


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